Holden and Allie

           While I was reading Catcher in the Rye, I was struck by the way Holden talked about Allie and Allie’s death. He often makes comments about Allie but he never really takes time to stop and process his feelings or talk to someone about it. Holden is usually pretty open with the reader about his feelings and what he is thinking. He gives us very honest opinions of anyone he is interacting with or even just sees walking on the street. He is always talking about how phony some people are and comments how much that depresses him. But Holden never seems to share his feelings when he’s talking about Allie.

For example, after Holden’s whole catastrophe with Sunny the prostitute he starts thinking about Allie. He says, “What I did, I started talking, sort of out loud, to Allie. I do that sometimes when I get very depressed.” Holden explains that he and his friend Bobby were going to Lake Sedebego on their bikes and Allie overheard them and asked to come along but Holden told him he couldn’t come. “So once in a while, now, when I get very depressed, I keep saying to him, "Okay. Go home and get your bike and meet me in front of Bobby's house. Hurry up.” It is clear that Holden has not gained closer for Allie’s death because when he’s depressed he runs this scene over in his head and probably feels really guilty. Yet, Holden does not take any time to process his thoughts. He just switches to thinking about going to bed.

Later in the book, Holden comes back to his family’s house to talk to Phoebe. Phoebe accuses Holden of being negative and tells him, ‘You don't like anything that's happening.” In an attempt to prove her wrong Holden tries to think of something he likes. After thinking about the nuns he encountered at the restaurant and James Castle, Holden settles on Allie. “I like Allie,” he says. Phoebe tells Holden that Allie is dead and he replies, “I know he's dead! Don't you think I know that? I can still like him, though, can't I? Just because somebody's dead, you don't just stop liking them, for God's sake-- especially if they were about a thousand times nicer than the people you know that're alive and all.” Holden just cannot seem to move past Allie.

Overall, it seems like Holden thinks about Allie all the time yet he is never really able to process his feelings. He does not know how to handle his grief and he does not have any one to help him process what he’s feeling. While he’s in New York he takes a lot of actions to distract himself from how he’s really feeling (such as smoking, drinking, calling people, trying to engage random people in conversation, inviting people out for drinks) but he does not seem to be able to move past Allie’s death. As someone mentioned in class, perhaps as Holden hits rock bottom in his downward spiral he will finally be able to process Allie’s death.